Today to learn how to love yourself, we’re basically going to talk about how to give yourself a hug even if like me you’re not much of a hugger.
If you do have all that hate locked in you and then you put the hate on yourself, how do you deal with self hate?’ I do have some advice and hopefully it will help.
Tip #1: Treat yourself like a best friend
Keep in mind before I get into all of this stuff that everybody’s a little bit different. A lot of this advice is going to be pretty general.
- How would I talk to a best friend who is having this issue?
- How would I talk to a best friend who is saying these kinds of horrible things about him or herself?
Self-loathing can just be a constant kind of presence in the background of our lives but a lot of times at least in my experience with this kind of stuff there are usually these climax where all of the sudden it’s all that we can think about.
Allowing yourself to step back and say okay, okay, I’m not going to feed into this, I’m not going to talk back to myself as myself. I’m going to talk back to myself as a friend.
Tip #2: Be Willing to find your you-ness
The you that makes you you. Be willing to look at yourself with an open mind and also love yourself. Negativity often make sour thinking so rigid.
When someone says, ‘Well what’s the thing about you that’s so amazing?’ you’ll say, ‘Nothing!’.
Think about being willing and open to explore figuring out what that is and sometimes that requires trying out new things, maybe you don’t know what your you-ness is because you haven’t stepped out enough to even try and find it because that can be really scary.
I can also tell you from experience that when you are brave enough to try new things and step out a little bit you learn more about yourself.
Tip #3: Forget Humility
It can be daunting for us to say identify our you-ness and be okay saying hey, this is something about me that’s awesome. I can call myself awesome to help you to love yourself and that’s not me bragging necessary that’s me acknowledging the truth. Lack of humility is probably not what is going to be your ultimate downfall if you are trying to simply figure out the basics of self-love and appreciation.
Tip #4: Risk Vulnerability
A lot of self-loathing or self-hatred or just general insecurity is often linked to an element of shame and that element of shame is often linked to a fear of vulnerability.
Of being exposed for who we really are and who we really are being deemed unworthy. So we try to hide, we do all of this work and it’s so exhausting to make sure that no one really knows.
I personally experienced this power of being forced into vulnerability quite by accident a few years ago when I went through a really just bad breakup. It forced me for the first time in my life to a degree that I never had to be vulnerable. There was no way around the emotional wreckage state that I was in. The only thing that I could do was ask for help. And I received that and I allowed myself to receive that.
It was really really scary but at the same time it was life-changing to know that it was available.
Tip #5: Have a Gameplan
Any good therapist would probably recommend that you have a game plan.
A game plan simply means that you have something quick to do that you easily remember, you can easily do it, it’s portable, you can take it anywhere. Anneli Rufus for instance who wrote the book Unworthy recommends envisioning a space, wherever that is for you where you are your best self.
I picture myself wearing an eye-patch and a hideous wig.
Or another simple thing that you can do especially if you experience this kind of self-loathing or hatred with a lot of anxiety. It’s helpful to conceptualize that anxiety as just a ball of energy inside you and you need to release it.
Couple of physical things you can do for instance are simply running in place, running up and down stairs, standing in the middle of a door frame and pushing on either side of the door just getting all of that energy out in a healthy, easy way. In times when you do need to rely on yourself you want an ally in yourself. t’s really good to make sure that you have that healthy relationship established.
This is not to say that there is never room for personal improvement, that is distinct from learning how to appreciate and love yourself.
I also have a feeling that you all have some excellent tips as well about how to stop beating ourselves up, silence those lying voices inside our heads and learn to hug ourselves.
When I was being bullied regularly and openly when I was fifteen-sixteen at school, something that I found really disheartening and upsetting was the fact that no one ever called her out or told her to stop and that what she was doing was wrong.
It made me believe that maybe what she was saying was actually what everyone else thought about me too and I really was so irritating that I should never speak and that all my ideas were wrong and stupid, etc. And that she was just the only one bold enough to say it. It really damaged my self-esteem for a long time and I think that if other people had stood up to her for me, even if it hadn’t stopped the bullying I wouldn’t have taken it so much to heart.
It’s true people when it comes to bullying, see something, say something.
I’m a high school student and I work with middle schoolers on issues of bullying, self-esteem, peer pressure, etc. We used a method called the bully circle, which shows the different roles in a bullying situation.
It includes the bully, his or her supporters, the bystanders,the kids that stand up to the bullying and the victim.
The thing is if you keep bullying from being normal, you minimize it. She went on to say that school councilors had reported that more bullying was being reported by those students so perhaps that bullying circle technique was an effective way to stop that behavior from happening to help you love yourself.