Do you wants to know, Why do guys ask us to send them sexy pics ? At first he seems all nice and kind and oh such a gentleman.
Then bam, “Send me a cute sexy photo of yourself”.
Can I say “no” without them judging/not wanting to talk to me anymore? How do you respond to that?! Now to answer your first all caps question of why are guys asking for these pictures in the first place, I think we have to acknowledge the fact that sexting is simply part of our sexual script these days.
Of a nationally representative sample of people 18 to 75 years old in the US, 21% had sent a sext and 28% had received a sext. And I say this in no way to invalidate people’s frustration around this state of affairs but sexting is simply on the menu.
Not only that but research also finds that men are one and a half times likelier to send sext messages and also have higher sext-pectations, or positive expectations about the outcomes of sexting, which guys are likelier to associate with excitement, arousal, desire and also a boost in confidence, whereas a lot of times for women if we’re looking in like very hetero normative contexts, women are much likely to feel like sexting is riskier due to the chance of slut-shaming and photos that are being sent privately being shared publicly.
If we look at sexy photo-swapping by itself, far and away this is most common between people who are in committed, monogamous relationships and in fact it can be good for your relationship some studies find, deepening senses of intimacy and healthy sexual dialogue.
And in that case, if first comes love, then comes sending sexy photos of yourself, maybe those requests for cute, sexy pics feels so abrasive because it feels like guys are collapsing the whole dating process and jumping overall of these other steps that you would prefer to go through before understandably exposing yourself or just part of yourself to somebody else that you might not know all that well IRL.
And the thing is just like there’s nothing in herently wrong with hooking up, there’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting or even asking for cute sexy pics of people that you are texting with.
To me, the red flag starts waving when someone tries to coerce or pressure someone a cute, sexy or straight up nude pic.
And this is where consent and personal boundaries come into this sexting landscape.
If you don’t want to send a guy a cute, sexy pic, you don’t have to send a guy a cute sexy pics, you can just say like no, that’s not my game.
And if a guy judges you and tries to prude-shame you for not wanting to send a cute sexy pic then screw that dude.
On the flip-side of that if you are in a safe relationship, whether that’s a long term or a short-term, with someone else and you want to explore what it’s like to express yourself sexually through text messages and photos then it’s totally fine to do that as well but it’s all about consent and comfort level and healthy exploration rather than feeling like you should send this sexy pics because that’s what people do and that’s what guys expect and they really like it and if you don’t do it they won’t like you.
A quick word about sending unsolicited sexy pics to people that you are not in a relationship with, IMHO it is poor-sexting etiquette, or sext-iquette.
I do not know of a single woman who has ever been like, ‘Yes!’ for getting an unsolicited penis pic.
One thing that disappoints me about a lot of the research out there on sexting is and hetero normative it is, there’s very little nuance even at this point with all the sexting research that’s been done.
With that I want to open up this conversation to all of you, do you have any advice for people who sexting? Guys do you have any insight on this as well because I certainly don’t want to sit here and complain why men sext.
And I also don’t want to demonize sexting in any way at all because there are just enough people out there doing that already.
How can we improve our sexting etiquette and also how can we ensure that the sexting that we’re doing promotes a healthy, consensual, sexual culture? When a guy asks for a picture what do you send ? Let me know in the comments below.